My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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