Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
