My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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