I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
