She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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