I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize