She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
