the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize