like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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