Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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