would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
