Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
