so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
