His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
