One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
