I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
