oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize