i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
