You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
