Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
