i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
