the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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