i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
