Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
