You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize