I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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