I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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