Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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