if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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