my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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