SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
