What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
