Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
