she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
