get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
