Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
