oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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