After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize