Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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