I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
