My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
