you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
