How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
