I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
