The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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