Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
