this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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