I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
