this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
