Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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