Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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