i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
