My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How's work?
Spinning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
