You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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