marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
