I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize