I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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