Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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