your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
