Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
