How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
