She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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