its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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