Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
