It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
