I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
