fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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