I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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