I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
