My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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