shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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