I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
