You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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