if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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