Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found puke in my bra..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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