I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
