you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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