You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
