I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
