its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
