I wish I could teleport
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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