I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
