textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
