Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
