Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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