I cockslap morals
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize