He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize