apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
