you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
